omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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