I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
