I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
