my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
