If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
