Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We had sex on a dog bed..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
