remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
