She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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