The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
