were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
