Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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