I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
