He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
