Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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