You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
