she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
