definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
do nipples grow back?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
