And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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