i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
