i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
