doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
