I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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