Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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