well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
