Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
