You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
