Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
