I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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