I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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