OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Be still, my beating vagina.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
