His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
