my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
