No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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