its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
