You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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