We're like a lot better than the average bears
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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