listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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