I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
