Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
