i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
