$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
