I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
