I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
