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he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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