I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
