I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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