apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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