That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
