omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
