Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
