I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
