i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
