nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
