I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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