Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
