I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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